Greetings from ye olde Savannah S#!% Show
What’s the deal with the ongoing Savannah shit show? It has become so predictable that The Stone Stairs of Death should be renamed The Farmer’s Almanac. What does your little Ghost Dog have to say about that?!
Hey yourself, Krusty!
It turns out, people ask me that question a lot (but you’re the first one to ask PJ). Some have suggested that the ghosts are messing with the drunks in order to stir up some mayhem.
In this town, it’s a plausible theory...especially if you read the police blotter notes for the Drayton Street Triangle (a.k.a. Pinkie’s, McDonough’s and Parker’s).
I suspect that the more likely explanation is that when people drink, their inhibitions get lowered, causing them to become more emotionally sensitive to the archaeo-acoustics of their environment. A quick refresher for those of you who are new to this column: Archaeo-acoustics is a field of study that examines how common objects have the ability to record and replay ambient sound.
Have you ever walked into a room just after your parents have had a fight? Even though everything seems hunky dory, you can still feel the tension. Now imagine that every fight that’s ever been fought – in the entire course of All Human Conflict – has been recorded by the very room in which you’re standing.
Even though you can’t hear the sound of all those fights, you can feel their vibration. Add to the equation Savannah’s bloody history, plus copious amounts of alcohol and you wind up with a bunch of rowdy Gremlins on the loose after midnight.
A local tour guide once told me that during the Siege of Savannah, 600 men were killed in one hour, 1200 men were killed in total and nobody knows where the bodies are buried. It turns out the reason that no one can find them is because only 244 men died.
Nevertheless, the Siege of Savannah ranks number 5 on The Journal of the American Revolution’s list of The 25 Deadliest Battles. If the bodies turn up under the ladies room at Pinkie’s, it wouldn’t surprise me one iota.
That said, quantum physics has proven that particles change their behavior based on whether or not they are being observed. Next time you find yourself in the middle of a Susan Powder “Stop The Insanity” moment, why not try a little experiment of your own and focus on something that feels better?
And for those of you who are too young to know who Susan Powder is, be sure to ask Mister Google about her. You won’t believe some of the whacky shit that went down in the ‘90s!
Thanks for your question, Krusty. Happy thoughts to you!
Originally published in Connect Savannah